How To Find Clarity When You Don’t Know What To Do In Life

How to find clarity in life

I’m not sure whether there’s something in the water or it’s an after effect of 2020, but there’s a definite reccurring theme to the messages I’m receiving in my inbox of late – mostly along the lines of “I don’t know how to find clarity in life”.

Ah, the big life question: what is my purpose?

I know that when I see the same question being asked time and time again, there’s a real need for me to share some coaching tips here on the blog.  So with that said, I am taking pen to paper in a bid to help you shine a glimmer of light on the clarity you need.

Towards the end of this post, you’ll find a series of journal prompts that have been designed to unearth what you love doing in life, what you’re good at etc, but first, I want to talk about having purpose.

I believe every human welcomed onto this planet is born with a purpose already ingrained in them.  I think everyone is here to do something they love with their lives, and I don’t just mean becoming an entrepreneur or heading to Hollywood to be a movie star.

I mean, everyone is born with limitless possibility of what they could do with their life but as we grow, it can become lost or squashed down.

You see, societal pressure, negative programming from a young age, fear of the unknown and our own limiting beliefs can stop us from reaching that potential.

So much so, it can often feel like we are lost in a sea of choices, decisions and unknown waters.

However, because you were born with this innate purpose, it can be uncovered just as it was once buried.  It might take some time to do, but it is there, even if it feels really deep down inside you and impossible to find or recover.

Do you feel overwhelmed?

I seem to start many a sentence now with “you see, the trouble with social media is…”, BUT the trouble with social media is that we’re presented with an abundance of the choices, opinions and highlights of what other people are doing, that the noise becomes too much. We lose the ability to hear what our own mind is saying or much of the good that we do come across.

We compare ourselves to what we see online and it becomes a game of what do I lack vs what do they have (which in itself is a ridiculous and unfair measurement of self-worth).  The reality is, everyone you see is winging it somehow, trust me.  Even the people at the top.  In fact, most people at the top are winging it in some form – I’m looking at you Boris.

Cut out the noise…

To really help you work through this search for clarity, I’m going to need you to do something.  Cut out the noise I mentioned above.  Even if it’s just for one weekend.  I want you to delete apps, mute those pesky whatsapp groups and stop scrolling. Slow or mute your intake of the voices of others for a moment.

The universe is ready to deliver downloads but she can’t get anything to you if your metaphorical letterbox is already stuffed to the brim with spam and takeaway leaflets.

If you’re serious about finding clarity in life, then you need to be serious about making changes.  Regular meditation is a great way of connecting to the universe and freeing space in your mind for downloads to arrive.

Downloads, if you’re unfamiliar with the term, are ideas that appear suddenly but feel incredibly aligned to your soul.  Yes, there may be those nervous excited butterflies but whatever the idea is, it feels…right.  

Is it fear talking?

I want you to sit right now and ask yourself, am I scared to admit what I really want? For many of my coaching clients, it takes just one call for them to bring to the surface what it is they want to do in life, but they’re petrified to say out loud.

They think that speaking it into existence means that everything is going to suddenly change everything or, more realistically, people will judge their choices and desires.

Do you know how long I held back from telling people I was a coach and teach the concept of manifestation? Years.  I feared ridicule.  I feared judgement.  I couldn’t face explaining my choice to people.

But guess what?

As soon as I did the work to overcome that fear and took a step forward, this purpose of mine fell into perfectly messy alignment.  It’s messy because it needs work like everything in life, but it’s perfectly messy to me. I leant into the clarity of who I am. I cannot tell you how freeing that was.

Can you sit by yourself now and say out loud what you’d like to do with your life.  I’m not talking about a job title, I’m talking about the thing you want to do.  How you’d ideally spend your day.  Do you want to help others, do you want to teach, do you want to be creative?  Do you want to write?  Do you want to make someone else’s day a better one?  Say it out loud.  Say it louder.  Now we’re getting somewhere.

There’s no shame in trying something…and moving on

Can we shout this louder for the people in the back?  There is no shame in trying something and realising it’s not for you.  I was speaking to a coaching client just the other day who mentioned how worried she feels when she starts something, and then realises it was a phase.

First of all, unless there are blocks that are actually holding you back from success (and if that’s the case then we can work together on that), don’t beat yourself up for trying something and then moving on. There’s no shame in it. In fact, there is so much courage in daring to try. 

Do you know how many career paths I’ve tried in my life?  A lot!  I’ve been to university not just once, but twice. And that’s because I didn’t allow myself the space to listen to what I really wanted in life – I just followed what I thought I was meant to be doing.

If you feel pulled to some kind of industry but you’re not sure exactly what you’d do, reach out to ask about volunteering or shadowing someone.  The key to remember here is, life really is too short for you to go through it complaining about not being happy but still not doing anything to move forward in a positive way.

Who do you want to work for?

The real question is, would you like to work as an employee and get the benefits of a company pension, structure, regular salary etc or do you crave working for yourself, with the freedom to do what you like, when you like, the possibility of earning more than a corporate role, and the choice to turn a talent into profit?

Both have pros and cons, but what I’d like you to do for this exercise is to stay clear of limitations or restrictions. Recognise them if they come up, but don’t let them stay.  I don’t want to hear anything about needing a steady income or feeling stifled in 9-5 working hours, because of all those can be overcome in time. 

All I want you to do is sit, focus on your breathing and ask yourself the question.  Your instinct will make itself known when you think about either option, I promise you.  But it’s about listening and leaning into the feeling. What is it saying?  Once you know this answer, then you can start moving forward.

What do others think you’re good at?

A piece of homework that I’d love for you to do at some point is ask up to five of the closest people to you – make sure these people are supportive and uplifting – to list five things they think you’re good at.  Maybe it’s making people feel welcome.  Maybe it’s creating a beautiful home.  Maybe it’s motivating.

Warning; this might make you slightly – OK, a lot – uncomfortable, but it’s actually a really good way of seeing what talents and skills you simply miss because they come so easily to you.

For example, it feels very easy for me to help others uncover potential, and this is why I would often struggle charging in the past because it felt so natural – after all, why should I make people pay money for something that comes easily to me?

But what you’re good at and what comes easily to you, is helping solve a problem for someone else.  I can guarantee whatever you’re good at solves a problem for someone, somewhere in the world.  That in itself is an energetic exchange, in this instance in the energy of money.

Make a note of what those five people say and really consider if you’ve been overlooking something because it comes to easily to you and you don’t, not for one second, believe you couldn’t make a living from it if you wanted to.

Making an impact your way

I think with many things in life, we can often put things on a pedestal and expect them to be this huge, impactful, life-altering change. And with this comes insane pressure.

Making an impact isn’t always about making a massive impact on the world.  It can be making an impact on your day-to-day happiness levels, which then leads to more positive energy flowing into the world like a ripple effect.  Don’t mistake discovering your purpose with trying to win a Nobel Peace Prize.

Below I have put together a series of journal prompts for you to sit and deep dive into. Each one is designed to bring to the surface what you love doing and how you’d spend your days if success was guaranteed.

How To Find Clarity In Life
  • What was your favourite thing to do as a child?
  • What did you dream of being whilst growing up?
  • What is your favourite thing to talk about?
  • When do you find yourself in flow?  For example, what are you doing when you realise you’ve had no concept of time?
  • List 10 of your favourite skills, characteristics, and talents – there are 10, trust me.
  • What would you do differently with your education if you could start over?
  • What would you do with your life as a whole if you had no fear, restrictions or limitations?
  • What do you want to say out loud, but feel too scared to do so?
  • If you were on stage in front of the whole world for 5 minutes, what would you talk about?
  • What would you do in life if money wasn’t an issue?
  • Finally, what would you do with your life if you were guaranteed success?
So what next?  Once you’ve brought your skills and passions to the table, I want you to sit and look at the different ways you could make money putting them into action. 
For example, you love interior design but you’re more drawn to organising, spreadsheets and social media.  OK, so how about putting together a plan on becoming a VA specifically for interior designers?  As a former interior designer, I can vouch that there is a need for this in the industry.
Or perhaps you love working with people and lose hours to the pages of glossy magazines – could a role in advertising sales be a consideration? 
I want you to sit and bring everything together in a pressure-free environment and hash out how you could utilise your skills and talents – and if in doubt, reach out to me and we can brainstorm ideas together.
If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s spotting a problem that needs solving and a niche that needs filling.

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